I had this image in my mind that everything was going to work out. I printed out a birth plan I found online and filled it out. I even discussed it with my husband and we talked about what we wanted to do once it was time to go to the hospital. My doctor told me that I was going to have a normal delivery so I wasn’t too worried. I read about complications and what other mothers had to go through but I didn’t think that applied to me at all. I was so naive.
I didn’t know what contractions were going to feel like so I asked my sister. She said they were really bad cramps and that they hurt a lot. I was getting anxious about them but I didn’t think they were going to be that bad. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain with certain things so I thought I was going to be fine. I was suppose to carry to term.
I never had contractions so my doctor told me that I had to be induced. I was really worried at this point and I was praying that nothing bad would happen to me or the baby. Induction would begin the night before I was to give birth. I was there Tuesday night for preparation. The doctor had to insert cervidil to ripen my cervix because my cervix wasn’t softened enough to allow for dilation. The doctor also had to artificially rupture my membranes because my water had not broken yet. I don’t remember when, but I was also placed on pitocin.
After all of this, I started to feel the contractions. It wasn’t really a painful feeling. It was more uncomfortable. It was like very bad cramps. I planned on not having any pain medication or any epidural but I just couldn’t take the contractions anymore. I told the nurse that I wanted the epidural which took longer than expected. The anesthesiologist was taking too long so I asked the nurse about alternative pain medication. She knew that I didn’t want it earlier because it could lower the baby’s breath rate. It was nice that she urged me to wait because I knew that I would regret choosing the alternative pain med. When the anesthesiologist finally came around, I was terrified because I didn’t know if I could sit still. I was already in so much pain that I moved with every contraction. So I sat hunched over a pillow and waited for it to be over.
After several minutes (not really sure how long it was), I was numb from the waist down. It was the weirdest feeling. A whole day passed before anything actually happened. I wasn’t fully dilated until the next day. The epidural wore off and I had another dose. I never thought that I would ever ask for 2 doses of epidural. I was also very tired at this point. Sleeping in the hospital while hooked up on epidural and fluids is not the most comfortable thing in the world. The beds were also pretty terrible. Every time they turned me, I cringed. They were being so rough and I thought the needle on my back was going to come off every time. I just wanted it to be over so we could go home with our baby.
It was around 9PM on Thursday that I started to push. I was exhausted and feverish at that point. I read, after the fact, that first time mothers on epidural could develop a fever. Or it could have been an infection from my membranes being opened early. It could also have been from stress. After pushing for about 30 minutes to an hour, my doctor suggested an emergency c-section. She said it was for the safety of the baby because her heart rate was elevated and she too had a fever. I was so tired at this point and pushing was getting me nowhere. I said yes to the c-section. My doctor called her team and I was wheeled off into the OR. My husband was suited up and came with me for support. I was so drugged up and groggy that I felt like falling asleep. I might have dozed off during the surgery. I was so scared because I didn’t know if she was going to be alright. Then I heard her cry and I was so relieved. My husband showed her to me and everyone in the delivery room were saying how beautiful she was. I just wanted to hold her but I couldn’t. They were stitching me up while they took her to clean her up. She was born at 10:15PM.
That night, the nurses were telling me that I should rest and they would take care of Zoey in the PICU. I told them I wanted to see her as soon as possible. I waited about an hour or two and went down to see her. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to have a good night’s sleep without seeing my daughter.
In the OR, I heard that they had forgotten to clamp her umbilical cord and that she had lost a little bit of blood. Because of the blood loss and her fever, they held her in the PICU for a week. I was so upset because I wanted to take her home with us. We visited the PICU almost every day to feed her. I had trouble producing milk because she wasn’t given to me right away after she was born. It was just such an emotional time and I was so angry because of all the things that had happened. On one occasion a nurse fed her before we got there. I was planning on breastfeeding her but, for some reason, she thought that she should start to bottle feed her without waiting for us first. We only live about 10-15 minutes from the hospital. I was so pissed off at her.
We never did find out why she was feverish or why I was too. I just thank God that everything worked out and she came home healthy. I was so glad to leave the hospital. I didn’t want to stay an extra day in there.
If you have a birth story you’d like to share please send me a link or comment down below. I would love to hear your stories. Thanks so much for reading!